very tired very unhappy.

I knw the meaning to 世上沒有 不受傷的翅膀, It's only a moment, remain optismistic.., things happen~But, I'm no machine. I know self-help, I know what's ...'only a matter of the state of mind' & blah blah.. but when too many unhappy things all happened at nearly the same time.. it's really wearing, depressing, upsetting & dissapointing one. 很煩, very suffocating. Like too many things pulling me off balance.. . I feel heavy, I felt the weight all on me, if it's base on me alone I donno hw long I can hang on. 有時覺得人生也不過如此而已 很想死. 覺得人很 無趣. I've thought of suicide before..., I couldn't withstand the cause of disspointment, felt really hurt, I went into a long depression stage. But, I later thought things out, I didn't do it was becoz, by committing suicide without a beautiful fight is lousy. I don't want to call myself loser. Still, many unlucky things continue to happen in my life my family life. I have tried ways & means in handling things, of doing things despite much effort, I see no results. Do I have to continue my life this way...if I have to I rather not by ending it. I can LIVE for my family, but I'm afraid I cannot hold on for too long if its only disspointment that I see... That's is total misery for me. I can't.... live with dissapointment & I chose not to, but I can live with hardship. I also know I'm the 'hope' for my family. I'm their pole. For my parents, I ought to. Now I gotto take care of my two sisters. One, whom just lost her husband, very damaging. The other one... for personal reason I've to take care of her. 永遠讓我放心不下的妹妹. I felt hurt, for things that happen to her. I don't how much I can do for her but I will. My patience's running out, my positive energy drainning fast. My eldest sister wasn't really happily married either...sometimes I need to share her prob. I need couseling for myself also.

What about myself?

I'm a very confidence person. Cocky though I might or might not show it. Kind...I do not know... but I very often receive positive comments, true or not I don't care I leave it to ppl to judge. Apparently, I ain't got any gd time to plan for myself lei~ that makes me really unhappy. But, I cant dump my family issues and do whats beneficial for myself mah. & I know I can't keep on focusing on their prob & neglect my plans mah. Coz, utimately, my greying parents need my support both finacially & physically. I think I need a brb...

leading a very disrupted life..