F****F*** F****F*** F****F*** F****F*** F****F*** F* it! I AM HATING IT HATING IT HATING IT! I HATE MY JOB! I WANT TO CHG IT. IT”S MAKING ME MAD. You can sort of tell it from this piece of writing. FUMING! It’s a one-man job & the work is simply too much & really frustrating!!!!!! YOU CANNOT COMPREHEN HW I FEEL…. UNTIL YOU TRY IT!!! I CAN”T THINK ANYMOR. I AM VERY DEPRESSED. & I HATE MY FAMILY AS WELL. MY DAD IS A DISSAPOINTMENT, HE REALLY IS…as much as I denied it. I’ve to accept this fact. MY MOM’s A WEAKLING, I CAN PROTECT HER but CAN SHE ALSO FUCKIN STAND UP FOR HERSELF IF MY PAPA EVER PLAY VIOLENT. I AM VERY UNHAPPY. Many other factors as well. SHIT! CAN’T THEY STOPPED ALL THIS NONSESNE & JUST LEAD A HAPPY LIFE. LIFE”S NO JOKE, IT’S ALREADY A MESS COMIN IN TO THIS WORLD, CAN WE AT LEAST BE HAPPY WHILE BREATHING. 我只想一家人一条心, it’s not possible anymore, I KNOW. SO BE IT. Can I knock sense into my dad head? I can never succeed now with an evil woman bugging around him. My dad’s poisoned, very poisoned. He’s a blurry arse. He donno what he wants & he can’t think & he doesn’t want us to interfere. He see us (family) as his enemy. He thinks his families ill-treat him. He thinks we are no good. Each time his blood-shot eyes shows up it tells me he’s OUT OF HIS MIND. IT ANGERS ME. That ‘look’. He better stop his BULLYING because I AM GETTING IMPATIENCE NOW! He had better behaves becoz as much as I love him, willing to take all his ‘shit’ I really dislike people who’re not sensible. I know not if I will throw him out of the house if he continue his madness. I would later calm down & feel bad for harboring that sinful thought. My dad ‘feels’ so far away, doesn’t feel like the dearly one I use to loves. Not anymore?
I am currently reading this biography of KENNY STEELE ‘The day the voices stopped’ –It’s really very sad. I use to despise this group of people or rather people who suffers from Schizophrenia I thought they’re just pure too bore that they just think too much & get themselves into that kind of state. ‘LOSER’ I name them. Something happen, one fine day I pick up this title. I was so wrong. It’s not within them to suffer from Schizophrenia (not talking abt those who’re inherited from genes of coz) To suffer from Schizophrenia is really pitiful. The book makes me sad. The plight he’s in is really not within him, he did not choose it, & he can’t take charged of himself to make things work for him. If it’s the work of destiny, fate made him suffered. I hope one day people will stop discriminating them. They just need a lot more care & love, & take on a longer period of time to eventually get recovered.
My unhappiness won’t vanish with singing K or getting drunk at pub that easy now. Travel might help. All I know now is, I am very unhappy & I need to make myself happy again. I can’t think.
I am currently reading this biography of KENNY STEELE ‘The day the voices stopped’ –It’s really very sad. I use to despise this group of people or rather people who suffers from Schizophrenia I thought they’re just pure too bore that they just think too much & get themselves into that kind of state. ‘LOSER’ I name them. Something happen, one fine day I pick up this title. I was so wrong. It’s not within them to suffer from Schizophrenia (not talking abt those who’re inherited from genes of coz) To suffer from Schizophrenia is really pitiful. The book makes me sad. The plight he’s in is really not within him, he did not choose it, & he can’t take charged of himself to make things work for him. If it’s the work of destiny, fate made him suffered. I hope one day people will stop discriminating them. They just need a lot more care & love, & take on a longer period of time to eventually get recovered.
My unhappiness won’t vanish with singing K or getting drunk at pub that easy now. Travel might help. All I know now is, I am very unhappy & I need to make myself happy again. I can’t think.
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